The tears threatened. Even as I woke Grace up on her first day of
playschool, I wasn’t confident that she would take to school immediately She
had after all always been the shy and timid one, burying her face in my neck when
confronted with new people or new places, even taking her time with family members
she met after a period of time.
She on the other hand was excited.
About her new school bag and water bottle, about the concept of “school” that
the family had been talking about all summer, about the fact that mommy
promised ice-cream at end of the day. I knew that her excitement stemmed from
her innocence. She had no prior experience of being in an unfamiliar setting
without the comforting presence of family. I knew that the excitement was
short-lived.
My fears were soon confirmed. Tears
threatened again as she tightened her grip around my shoulder as we entered “school”.
A bewildered look dawned on her face when she saw all the unfamiliar children
and teachers. I felt the fear in her little body.
Tears blurred my eyes as she
clung to my neck in panic while the teacher pried her out of my arms. The sight
of seeing her crying uncontrollably and screaming “Mummy” as the teacher took
her upstairs was nearly my undoing, but I pushed down the emotion and called
out a consolation to her.
In that moment I was reminded
that I had inevitably signed up for a lifetime of heartache when I became a mom.
It is not easy to stand by and let the necessary process of LIFE take its
course. My mother’s heart instinctively wants to protect her and keep her from every
suffering in this world. A friend of mine, a mother herself, asked me on
Facebook, “Oh why do they have to go to
school at all!” She had voiced my pain.
Indeed we as mothers will at
every juncture of our child’s life want to question the necessity of pain that
heightens the distress in our own hearts. Indeed why school, why tests, why
exams, why mean children, why rude and insensitive people, why college, why the
heartbreak of unrequited love, why betrayal of trust, why accidents, why
sickness… the list goes on. If it were in our capacity, I am sure we mothers
would not rest until we had hunted down each of these sources of pain and
anxiety and bomb them into non-existent forever. Such is the ferocity of a mother’s
love.
But the reality is we have no
control. These things are too great for us as human mom’s to outdo or vanquish
and yet…
We are NOT without hope.
When I had Grace, a dear friend
had given me a book called, “Quiet Moment
for Busy Mothers”. During the past few days of difficulty, the first
chapter of this book written by Rebecca Mulvaney came to my mind. The concluding
paragraphs from the chapter spoke straight to my heart. And so my dear fellow
mommies and moms-to-be, regardless of which life stage your child is currently
in, I share with you this passage:
“From the beginning I’ve known little control, but I’ve been far
from powerless. I’ve known the power of being well-acquainted with the
Ruler of the universe. He commands the angels who guard my children, and he
rules over every event in their lives…. I remind myself of the One who is in
control, the One who loves my children even more than I do, the One who
knows what is best. These are matters too great for me!”
She concludes with this verse – “I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a
weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me. O
[mothers], put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore” Psalm
131:1b-3
Dancing laughter and giggling delight
Before the moment is lost
